everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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