I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize