where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
