Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
