hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
