Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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