JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
