I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
His hands were made for my vagina.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
