How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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