I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
