I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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