I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
