i just made my gag reflex go away.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
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