Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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