hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
