and she was petting her beer can
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i believe in u and ur pee
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
