I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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