why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
