im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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