i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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