You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
