There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
