He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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