Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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