$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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