how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
