perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i think i just lost a toe
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
