Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
