he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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