You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He felt like a one man threesome
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
