sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
