Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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