So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
