I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
God gave him joint rollers for hands
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
