physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
