I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
