dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
