He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
