Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
