So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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