I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just want to make out with him forever
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
