did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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