Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
