oh god the rape fog is back!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
