She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
