I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
