Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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