Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
