Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
