oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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