We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
