Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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