Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
