note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
