P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
