she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
