You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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