My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
