from now on my penis is your penis
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
