and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
