he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
