I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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